Welcome to the inaugural post of the Needs Aren’t Services Blog by Choices, Inc. We are the gatekeepers, so to speak, but this is YOUR blog. It is our goal to provide you with a venue to discuss the Phrases that Pay, wraparound values and systems of care topics. We plan to bring together a diverse group of guest authors to share their ideas about these topics and we invite you to visit with us, collaborate, network and share successes of your own. Each post will include an option for you to post “comments” to each other, to Choices, or to the story’s author. Our first post focuses on the Phrase That Pays Listen, Listen and then LISTEN.
Learning to be a good listener is the most basic skill required for the helping professions. In practice, we often see well-meaning helpers politely listening until the client’s first pause. When the client stops to take a breath, the helper often jumps at the opportunity to tell the client how they might fix their situation. This Phrase that Pays is to remind us to first listen to be a successful helping professional.
As a professional it is important to resist the urge to “fix” people and instead devote our time and talents to listening. Even when you feel the impulse to talk, resist doing so and listen some more. Remember, that listening is an aquired skill that requires you to tune out all the self talk inside your head and consciously pay attention to what the client is saying, how they are saying it, and all aspects of the message delivery.
When this happens the listener is not just hearing with the ears and mind, they are listening with the third ear – the heart. And when that happens people move from telling you their problems to telling you their solutions. This is also where Needs Aren’t Services begins to be understood.
Doing what is most important upfront will pay off in the end: smoother transitions and success for clients and professionals alike!
- Brent Matthews, Chief Operating Officer, Choices, Inc.
The Phrases that Pay
This blog is dedicated to the Phrases that Pay; we’ve called it Needs Aren’t Services because it’s a concept that even the most seasoned professional must constantly work to achieve. It is one of the most uniquely challenging Phrases that Pay to learn and can be equally difficult to “live” as well.
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July 2, 2008 at 10:51 am |
Georgetown University Training Institutes attendees: Don’t forget to add your unique serial number! You can leave it in the body of your reply just like this: #12345
July 16, 2008 at 1:58 am |
What a great way to share ideas! Listening it such a helpful way to identify strengths without asking a lot of questions by allowing people to tell their stories.
July 16, 2008 at 3:53 pm |
So many of us need to remind ourselves that immediately trying to “solve” the problem, isn’t always what is needed. Sometimes just allowing someone in need to talk it out allows them to come up with their own solutions, solutions that work!
#11976
July 16, 2008 at 4:19 pm |
I am immediately drawn to Needs Arent Services. How soon we professionals forget that and try to equate our specific services to the family needs. Listening is the key to change. #10352
July 16, 2008 at 2:07 pm |
For clinical staff and therapists who use solution focused therapy as a tool when working with clients, this was a great reminder that by using constructive listening techniques can sometimes be a better way to help individuals solve or resolve their issues or problems, By “JUST LISTENING” and being attentive. # 12378
July 16, 2008 at 2:34 pm |
I like this concept. Needs should not be looked upon as services, but essentials to a progressive and productive life. Unique Blog Serial Number #: 10272
July 16, 2008 at 3:13 pm |
Listening is why we have two ears and only one mouth!
#10296
July 16, 2008 at 3:19 pm |
We are so driven to be “helpful” that we often only hear what we think we can do something about. Frequently, our “doing” anything is both irrelevant and disrepectful (with the best of intentions).
July 16, 2008 at 3:27 pm |
I love your site! I provide training and technical assistance across the state of Californnia under a contract with the California Department of Social Services. Through that contract I meet many county and non-profit staff involved in this work. I also provide Wraparound and Family Finding training across the nation. I look forward to sharing your site with everyone I work with. One of the things that I teach is how to listen with heart and how to speak with heart. So I love your article! I will visit your site often to see what others are thinking and doing in this exciting world of ours.
Keep up the good work!!!! # 10292
July 16, 2008 at 3:43 pm |
Love the site. I agree- we need to sactivley listen in order to become a more efficient helper. #12440
July 16, 2008 at 3:45 pm |
If we don’t listen then we may not be meeting the needs of people that we serve to the best of our abilities and that is why we do what we do. Isn’t it? #10174
July 16, 2008 at 3:49 pm |
We speak about listening. But to listen takes more then ears it takes a person to hear with their eyes and see the other person and how they are expressing themself. are they sad, madd nervous or what. Is this a crisis or is this a personal pity party which we are all able to have. I have most of the last 34 years working with raising aand assisting people with disssbilities to live their life from birth to deazth with dignity and respect. the most common comment from all is, “They are listening to the words but not hearing me or feeling my sadness”
Blog Serial Number 10168
July 16, 2008 at 3:54 pm |
How many times do we hear what a person is saying but not actually listen to what they are saying. Do we ask open ended questions? Do we check for clearity in our understanding of the problem or do we just jump ahead with our brain for the “Best solution” #12460
July 16, 2008 at 4:34 pm |
I’m listening. #10182
July 16, 2008 at 6:10 pm |
Listening is a discipline to learn and practice. I find that I continually practice focusing on what the person is saying and have to purposefully stop my formulation of the solution while I am listening. Listening to words, tones, and behaviors are all important to take in while listening. On a recent consumer feedback survey we discovered that our clients were most satisfied not with our brilliant counsel or help in developing strategy, but they said that they “…felt listened to.”
#10685
July 16, 2008 at 6:18 pm |
Thanks for reminding everyone to just be, observe, and listen with their heart. There is a therapeutic effect for a person to be able to tell their story and know they are really being heard. Be honored that they are placing their trust in you. #12452
July 16, 2008 at 6:45 pm |
Blogs like this are helpful to all. It allows parents and professionals to vioce their heart’s thoughts without any judges. #11226
July 16, 2008 at 6:45 pm |
I’ve spent the past 2 days listening to our Building Bridges training as well as to our participants. Listening is hard when there is so much coming at you, but we all try to ‘hear’ the best of it all. Thanks to listening, a lot of people are taking good information home. Love it!
Kari
#12216
July 16, 2008 at 6:46 pm |
I’m here to listen, learn and grow.
Serial Number: 10503
July 16, 2008 at 6:52 pm |
Is it presumptuous to ask ” How may I assist you assist you?” to a perceived need? #12456
July 16, 2008 at 7:02 pm |
This is a great way to connect with one another and listen to what others have to say. Listening is our most useful tool to make a difference in others lives. Lets continue to use it!!!
#10471
July 16, 2008 at 7:06 pm |
This is very helpful to hear once again, you learn about how important it is to listen but sometimes we are so eager to help that we lose stight. #10641
July 16, 2008 at 8:21 pm |
This is my first time blogging! The suggestions on this site are not new, but always good to hear. #12364
July 16, 2008 at 8:29 pm |
If we believe that parents are the experts on their children then being a good listener is the key to our roles as helpers. Parents know their children the best andd we need to really listen to their experience.
#10206
July 16, 2008 at 8:30 pm |
Great site – will share this with others. Fun idea. Good content.
#10693
July 16, 2008 at 10:00 pm |
Nice site! Hope lots of people get good use out of this.
#12095
July 16, 2008 at 10:47 pm |
Attended a wonderful presentation today, Child Psychiatrists in Systems of Care and one of the presenters recounted advice from his mentor: “Don’t just do something…Sit there. Reminded all of us to ensure that we are listening.
#10222
July 16, 2008 at 11:05 pm |
This is great. So many people said what I would have said. Keep up the good work and I am listening.
#12130
July 16, 2008 at 11:55 pm |
We (parents) love it when providers actively listen. Youth feel the same way!
Sometimes families need to listen, too!
Great site!
#12376
July 17, 2008 at 12:46 am |
I love listening! I learned to listen from my mom who would ask “do you hear yourself ?” #12380
July 17, 2008 at 7:15 am |
Listening is the basis of relationships. In the electronic age, listening involves other skills – like reading. We have to understand how our young people communicate via social marketing sites,texting, and IMs in order to hear their voices. This is a great way for us (seasoned [old!] professionals to hone those skills. Thanks! #11174
July 17, 2008 at 7:50 am |
Excellent social marketing strategy! #11904
July 17, 2008 at 8:36 am |
You representative was so pleasant and friendly as is your website/blog. I appreciate your ideas and agree listening is a key to any relationship, personal or professional. Thanks for being here at the workshop. Serial #12368
July 17, 2008 at 11:42 am |
I’ve read through the blog and find it quite insightful. this is surely a new way of listening for some of us. #10168
July 17, 2008 at 12:01 pm |
Administrators sometime get the needs list mixed up with the service provisions.
blog s/n 12202
July 17, 2008 at 12:02 pm |
I like the social marketing with the blog. 12250
July 17, 2008 at 12:22 pm |
This is a great way to share information. Serial # 11120
July 17, 2008 at 1:49 pm |
I’ve been listening to many of the presenters here at the Institutes and one of the themes that I’ve heard repeatedly is the need to find funding for the wraparound programs and other interventions that have been developed by so many people. I suggest we look more closely at Medicaid for answers. It’s in all 50 states, and has the ability to accommodate peoples’ needs in all sorts of ways, especially through EPSDT. Your blog is a great way to social network for people who have good ideas to share. Keep up the good work. I’m presenting Poster #83 on Friday. (#11056 for the contest)
July 17, 2008 at 2:01 pm |
I’ve enjoyed reading the postings and am reminded that listening to others — really listening — requires us to be aware of our own cultural biases and filters. It’s about paying attention to how their communication makes you, the listener, change and grow as a person. #11058
July 17, 2008 at 2:05 pm |
I think this is a great way to have a shared virtual community to share ideas that work across the vast cultures and communities we live and work in
Serial number 11313
July 17, 2008 at 2:09 pm |
I am a big advocate for active listening and I also stress the importance of listening to the parents of the children I work with. I encourage not only the parents but the children as well to take time to listen to each other. I think this is great. Serial number 10806
July 17, 2008 at 2:14 pm |
This is why wrap-around works. Natural supports as well as funded sevices joining together to meet the NEEDS.
#10593
July 17, 2008 at 2:56 pm |
What Wraparound with the focus on youth and familiy involvement has given us the reality that services to our children must include them, their families and caregivers. It’s so basic. # 10043
July 17, 2008 at 3:05 pm |
All true! We need to be sure that plans and choices given to families are culturally competent. Saying that wrap is indivisudualized isn’t enough to make it culturally appropriate.Thanks 11165
July 17, 2008 at 3:08 pm |
All true! We need to be sure that plans and choices given to families are culturally competent. Saying that wrap is indivisudualized isn’t enough to make it culturally appropriate.Thanks 11165
July 17, 2008 at 3:17 pm |
As a Native child we are taught to listen first then ask questions. It is a sign of disrespect to not listen to our
Elders and family members. Number 10081
July 17, 2008 at 3:28 pm |
Plans and choices for children regardless of health needs are for the parent to have full input about what the family will participate in. Families are the most important componant to the successful growth of all children.Number 10101
July 17, 2008 at 3:53 pm |
Listening is certainly an aquired skill one I know I still need to work on. What a great way to share.
#12276
July 17, 2008 at 3:53 pm |
This is a great idea ! I hope to meet other evaluators who have lots of questions and maybe either learn or can help figure out problems. I can’t wait to see tell my co-workers about this blog. Listening is the evaluation key! serial number 10289
July 17, 2008 at 4:02 pm |
This is a very important subject to address. As human beings, when we say we are listening to others, most of the time we are really thinking of the perfect thing to say in return. By really listening, we can gather information that will help us create a truly individualized service plan for our families.
#11096
July 17, 2008 at 4:27 pm |
Listening is the first step to gathering information that hopefully will be utilized for positive changes for families, workplace and all environments that we operate in.
July 17, 2008 at 4:28 pm |
It is about ownership and giving youth responsibility for their care and the outcomes o their lives.
10253
July 17, 2008 at 4:29 pm |
It is about ownership and giving youth responsibility for their care and the outcomes o their lives. 10253
July 17, 2008 at 4:35 pm |
A great idea, we all can improve our listening skills.
July 17, 2008 at 4:36 pm |
A great idea. 10221
July 17, 2008 at 5:06 pm |
This is a wonderful way to share ideas and brainstorm with others. I look forward to improving my listening skills.
July 17, 2008 at 5:07 pm |
10805
July 17, 2008 at 5:10 pm |
I love networking and sharing with others.
July 17, 2008 at 5:11 pm |
10813
July 17, 2008 at 5:17 pm |
like your question and concept. 12295
July 17, 2008 at 5:21 pm |
thanks 12303
July 17, 2008 at 5:22 pm |
10209 Nancy had me do this and this is the frist time to Blog
July 17, 2008 at 5:22 pm |
We have two ears and one mouth. We should listen twice as much as we speak.#10687.
July 17, 2008 at 5:28 pm |
This is so creative!! This is not your typical discussion board. Way to go CHOICES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
July 17, 2008 at 5:31 pm |
12304 says WAY TO GO CHOICES!!!
Very Creative idea, a unique way to spark conversation/discussions around children’s mental health issues.
July 17, 2008 at 5:35 pm |
I didnt get much out of it because I wasn’t listening 11299
July 17, 2008 at 5:36 pm |
excellent concept. going to tell others about this
10675
July 17, 2008 at 5:41 pm |
Very good sensible advice.11299
July 17, 2008 at 5:43 pm |
Very good sensible advice 10233
July 17, 2008 at 6:02 pm |
It is easier to answer than it is to pick up, remember to take time out to hear what is said and move it forward collectivelly. 10431
July 17, 2008 at 6:10 pm |
10161
July 17, 2008 at 6:14 pm |
I will be bookmarking this site. Thanks! #12082
July 17, 2008 at 6:14 pm |
For a lot of the folks we serve, they have been talked to and told what to do their whole lives and not llistened to enough. Providers shouldn’t make the same mistake.
July 17, 2008 at 6:21 pm |
This is a great tool for receiving comments/communication from a wide diverse group.
My blog serial # 10935
July 17, 2008 at 6:22 pm |
I forgot to add my serial number on my blog above – 12364
July 17, 2008 at 6:24 pm |
10915
July 17, 2008 at 6:29 pm |
By Listening to someone, we allow for the trusting relationship to take place and begin to have an opportunity to understand a person and their situation. My blog serial number is 10951.
July 17, 2008 at 6:29 pm |
here you go my first blog…10677
July 17, 2008 at 6:34 pm |
Listening to the children and parents is how we make a difference that can keep a family together successfully. Listening is what we all need to do more. 12065
July 17, 2008 at 6:39 pm |
11090
July 17, 2008 at 7:02 pm |
great site to share with my staff!
10878
July 17, 2008 at 7:25 pm |
Great concept for sharing on a specific issue…can already think of several ways I can use this.
11069
July 17, 2008 at 9:44 pm |
This is a practice that is also very important to remember when having conversations with our own children.. what a great way to just listen.. no matter how hard it is.
July 17, 2008 at 9:45 pm |
11976
July 17, 2008 at 11:10 pm |
Thanks to you guys I really had my listening ears on today. Learned a lot even from old stuff. #12380
July 17, 2008 at 11:11 pm |
Could be useful.
11063
July 17, 2008 at 11:20 pm |
This is a great site! Listening is something we ALL need to do!
Serial#11236
July 17, 2008 at 11:32 pm |
I appreciate the opportunity to learn from the experiences of others. Thanks for doing this!
#11999
July 17, 2008 at 11:34 pm |
I love it……I am directing everyone I know to your website. Thanks! #10930
July 17, 2008 at 11:57 pm |
I like the concept of this site. hope it helps a lot of people.
July 18, 2008 at 1:23 am |
I love this topic and I think we take listening skills for granted. Listening is so important in the helping professional but, also important as a supervisor/manager too. We need to remember listening skills is a part of good communication skills. Whether you are working with consumers/clients or your staff, being able to listen and reframe, reflect on what the person is telling you. to ensure that they are being understood. Many times the person who is speaking is teaching or informing the listener about who they are i.e. strengths, needs and things they are passionate about.
When we work in the helping professional we must remember that we are in the role of empowering others to be the best individuals he or she can be… Being able to listen to others avoiding all distractions and letting our minds wonder or thinking the whole time about when is the person going to pause in their conversation so I can tell them my thoughts, is not good communication, but most of all not respectful communication.
Many times when people are relaying things to us they just want a listening ear because most times people know what they need to do or how to proceed, they just want to be supported in their decisions.
Serial Number#11135
July 18, 2008 at 8:15 am |
Keep up the great work! #11904
July 18, 2008 at 8:16 am |
got there!
July 18, 2008 at 8:17 am |
gotthere
serial # 10348
July 18, 2008 at 8:28 am |
Looks interesting and I will continue to monitor. Serial # 10157
July 18, 2008 at 10:49 am |
IAM A FAMILIES I LOVE SYSTEM OF CARE 10137
July 18, 2008 at 11:02 am |
Thank You! 10133
July 18, 2008 at 11:03 am |
Thank You! 12493
July 18, 2008 at 11:04 am |
Thank You! 12489
July 18, 2008 at 11:05 am |
Thanks. 10867
July 18, 2008 at 11:06 am |
I fell the needs of families are more on the level of better resources to find jobs, housing, education, and information to be able to take care of their families. Health insurance. is a big need most parent don’t have insurance, when they get sick what happens to their families. If you are working poor and do have private insurance you can’t afford to pay the co-pays for visits or medication. 10339
July 18, 2008 at 11:09 am |
serial #10855…..the workshops are very informative and it is exciting meeting all of the different people from the different areas with a lot of the shared concerns and love for the people…thanks to the people who put this together.
July 18, 2008 at 11:12 am |
Serial number 12323
July 18, 2008 at 11:13 am |
Serial # 12145
July 18, 2008 at 11:15 am |
You all do great work.
Serial #: 10811
July 18, 2008 at 11:18 am |
10971
July 18, 2008 at 11:20 am |
Serial number: 11123
I find it interesting that the Partnership is going/thinking Green for the next conference in 2010 when we are in a very non-eco-friendly conference center today. The current building is tremendously wasteful of resources, air, plastic…
Are they going “Green” just because, or are they going to be more methodically in the planning locations. This is far from thinking “Green” or trying to be alittle “Green”.
July 18, 2008 at 11:20 am |
excellent idea.
Have enjoyed reading all comments and will look in future.
#12339
July 18, 2008 at 11:23 am |
serial number 10975
July 18, 2008 at 11:26 am |
10791
July 18, 2008 at 11:28 am |
Let it be me!!!!
July 18, 2008 at 11:30 am |
12137
July 18, 2008 at 11:37 am |
Really great site!!!!!
serial # 12125
July 18, 2008 at 11:39 am |
Like a sponge here at the training institute in Nashville,Tenn.12003
July 18, 2008 at 11:43 am |
12113
July 18, 2008 at 11:44 am |
12053
July 18, 2008 at 11:47 am |
Awesome! 12117
July 18, 2008 at 11:47 am |
It’s great to have a community that shares ideas and ways to provide better services to our clients. 12121
July 18, 2008 at 12:11 pm |
I will win the ipod tomorrow. Itj is a great feeling to be listened to and a greater feeling to listen to others. Have fun blogging.
July 18, 2008 at 12:12 pm |
10081
July 18, 2008 at 12:35 pm |
12007
July 18, 2008 at 12:36 pm |
#12049
I’M LISTENING!
July 18, 2008 at 12:36 pm |
10166
July 18, 2008 at 12:37 pm |
12011
July 18, 2008 at 12:38 pm |
12015
July 18, 2008 at 12:39 pm |
12019
July 18, 2008 at 12:40 pm |
12023
July 18, 2008 at 12:42 pm |
10001
July 18, 2008 at 1:02 pm |
Good presentation at the table and interesting way to get enrollment on the blog.
July 18, 2008 at 1:02 pm |
12085
July 18, 2008 at 1:03 pm |
Thank you for the reminder. needs arent services. what a great way to share ideas in a busy system.
Thanks
12045
July 18, 2008 at 1:08 pm |
We are here representing BC Scores in Beaver County PA. I am so very happy with the events and functions of the Training Institute. We’ll be back next year. 11136
July 18, 2008 at 1:10 pm |
12037
July 18, 2008 at 1:13 pm |
11993
Simply having a good time.
July 18, 2008 at 4:35 pm |
Very informative and motivational!
July 18, 2008 at 4:36 pm |
11670
July 18, 2008 at 4:45 pm |
11594
July 18, 2008 at 5:26 pm |
i think its awesome how the whole idea is to listen completely instead of just assuming someone is done sharing their thoughts. Personally ive had people jump in when i wasnt done and the situation ended up being completely different then what they thought it was.
11624
July 18, 2008 at 5:27 pm |
11620
July 18, 2008 at 5:31 pm |
I’m listening…….
#12364
July 18, 2008 at 5:36 pm |
I am listening to my daughter, and she says that she needs an Ipod nano. I am trying to utilize multiple strategies to obtain one for her.
July 18, 2008 at 5:36 pm |
# 10509
July 18, 2008 at 5:37 pm |
I have also listened to her quite extensively, my daughter, and have become very familiar in how to support her when she doesn’t get what she wants.
# 10848
July 18, 2008 at 6:29 pm |
thanks 10206
July 18, 2008 at 8:22 pm |
Great idea! I have no doubt that this blog will become a great resource for many. Thanks 12035
July 18, 2008 at 10:14 pm |
Hope Choices can pull this off and really help people.
12094
July 18, 2008 at 10:17 pm |
Good Concept.
12376
July 18, 2008 at 10:19 pm |
those of you heard “needs aren’t services” listen to this; wraparound is a process. 12380
July 19, 2008 at 2:58 am |
This is a fantastically creative method to engage youth in a culturally relevant manner – but you already know that. So kudos to you for the creativity and drive to thoroughly develop this communication method. This definitelt has ECCO written all over it –
11740
July 19, 2008 at 8:27 am |
There’s another site about listening you might be interested in – http://www.IsAnyoneListening.org.
#11532
July 19, 2008 at 2:39 pm |
Sometimes the hardest thing for us “helpers” to do is listen, as we want to jump in to the solutions. It is great to have this reminder!!!! Blog # 10870
July 19, 2008 at 2:44 pm |
Listening is truly an art, one that must be practiced and treasured. Thanks for making me for thinking about the word. Stop to think…we don’t always do that enough either…smile……blog#11484
July 22, 2008 at 2:26 pm |
When I set in a meeting with family and professions I’m always amazed that one of the first “needs” that people mention is therapy or counseling. When will we all learn that those are strategies? We all walk around and tout “We are a strength based and needs driven organization” yet time after time therapy is listed as that “BIG NEED” When I begin to see all the system partners that I’m involved with cease to say that I’ll know that the change has come. And hey… let’s say we all value and talk about family as if they were in the room even when they’re not. The things I’ve heard behind closed doors is shameful and from professionals.
#11995
July 24, 2008 at 1:53 pm |
We have heard so much about Choices through our other partners. We can’t wait to have representation in Cecil County. One saying that I like to use is “When in Doubt — Check It Out” There are plenty of doors that are closed, the creativity comes from finding other ways to enter, and not just by the “normal” ways. Also, never accept less than what you expect. 12104
July 24, 2008 at 3:05 pm |
As a Social Marketing Dir/Agencies Liaison for a Tribal SOC, I am always watching. Your Staff at the Nashville Training Institutes was phenomenal! Friendly, Informative, Energetic and utilized their promotional materials superbly! Bravo!
Hozho #10780
November 2, 2008 at 1:26 am |
Listening is important to both pros and family members. I’ve found that alot of people hear what you have to say, but, they don’t listen. There is a difference. The problem I’ve had and others have had is some of what we listen to isn’t said in a way we can understand. We as family members find it necessary to learn new languages when dealing with education and mental health professionals. To tell you the truth we have alot of stuff to deal with besides learning new ways to say things.
Maybe I’ve missed the point of this blog business, if so, I apologize.